Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
