I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
