Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize