just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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