idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
worst night to have a conscience
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
