Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
