He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
