I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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