Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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