I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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