you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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