Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
