We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
