We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
send nudes
from the living room?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize