It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
