it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
