Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
