wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
