you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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