plz talk dirty to me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
