I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
