my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
