she looked like the before picture.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
