dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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