Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
