you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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