The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
