tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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