we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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