It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
