my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
