FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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