I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
