put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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