Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
