Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
