there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize