I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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