He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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