Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
