I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
