but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
