Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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