Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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