I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
