there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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