Just fell off a train. Bad.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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