yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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