bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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