i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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