Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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