Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
