I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
