you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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