if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
