his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
