I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
