I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
