my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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