ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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