Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
