either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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