Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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