He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
