So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Still dying that you shit outside
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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