she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
