the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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