I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize