thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
being pregnant is like rehab
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The struggles of a small town man whore
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
