Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
