He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
