you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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