We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
