the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
